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The Siren's Dance: My Marriage to a Borderline: A Case Study, by Anthony Walker
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This memoir follows the relationship between the author (a psychiatrist) and his wife, Michelle, from its tumultuous beginning in 1985 to their ambivalent last good-bye three years later. The subtitle "a case study" attempts to maintain a professional distance from this devastating relationship, but it's all too clear that the illness from which Walker's wife suffered came close to dragging him down with her. Walker is first smitten by Michelle when, as a medical student, he encounters her on rounds, where she is presented as a recent suicide attempt. He can't understand how such a beautiful, sexy young woman would want to kill herself and returns to interview her for a school presentation. Despite warnings from his teacher, friends and father, he falls deeply in love and is drawn into her world, only to emerge with great difficulty a year later. Walker, an outgoing, athletic, cheerful young man, relinquishes more and more of himself to Michelle and gradually becomes isolated, depressed, devious and even violent as he tries to cope with-and ultimately escape from-Michelle. This intimate narrative, showing how the best intentions of a naive, compassionate young doctor can lead him straight to hell, will fascinate readers who've dealt with similar situations firsthand. The three appendixes provide welcome information about the definition, diagnosis and treatment of borderline personality disorder.
- Sales Rank: #551577 in Books
- Published on: 2008-06-26
- Released on: 2008-06-26
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.50" h x .44" w x 5.50" l, .51 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 192 pages
From Publishers Weekly
Walker's disturbing memoir follows the relationship between the author (a psychiatrist) and his wife, Michelle, from its tumultuous beginning in 1985 to their ambivalent last good-bye three years later. The subtitle "a case study" attempts to maintain a professional distance from this devastating relationship, but it's all too clear that the illness from which Walker's wife suffered came close to dragging him down with her. Walker is first smitten by Michelle when, as a medical student, he encounters her on rounds, where she is presented as a recent suicide attempt. He can't understand how such a beautiful, sexy young woman would want to kill herself and returns to interview her for a school presentation. Despite warnings from his teacher, friends and father, he falls deeply in love and is drawn into her world, only to emerge with great difficulty a year later. Walker, an outgoing, athletic, cheerful young man, relinquishes more and more of himself to Michelle and gradually becomes isolated, depressed, devious and even violent as he tries to cope with-and ultimately escape from-Michelle. Walker, who now treats teenage girls with borderline personality disorder, is not an expert writer. His dialogues often sound as if the speakers learned English as a second language. But this intimate narrative, showing how the best intentions of a na‹ve, compassionate young doctor can lead him straight to hell, will fascinate readers who've dealt with similar situations firsthand. The three appendixes provide welcome information about the definition, diagnosis and treatment of borderline personality disorder.
Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information, Inc.
From Booklist
Walker, then a student at a Miami medical center, met and fell in love with a young patient who had attempted suicide. He should have buckled up, for the beautiful Michele was to take him on an exceedingly bumpy ride. Walker, now a psychiatrist, recounts in sometimes graphic detail his three-year relationship with a woman who suffered from borderline personality disorder, which is characterized in part by impulsiveness, inappropriate or intense fits of anger, unstable interpersonal relationships, and suicidal behavior. It is named as it is, Walker says, because psychiatrists first theorized it was a pathology lying on the figurative border between psychosis and neurosis. Walker began his relationship with Michele in hopes of rescuing her from the grips of the terrible ailment. In the end, he was the one who needed rescue. His very personal account, with names and specific details changed to shield privacy, portrays the seductive nature of a "borderline" and how the disorder ravages not only its victims but also those who love them. Donna Chavez
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved
Review
"This sexually and emotionally frank account realistically captures the characteristically intense appeals and disillusionments that can be expected in a relationship with someone who has [borderline personality disorder]. . . . This book is an important statement that will enhance public consciousness about a disorder that is universally recognized and widely discussed within mental health circles. . . . Alongside the movie "Fatal Attraction," the book and movie "Girl, Interrupted," and the psycho-biographical accounts of the borderline personality traits found in Princess Diana and Marilyn Monroe, ["Siren's Dance"] can titillate even as it teaches." --John G. Gunderson, M.D., from the Foreword
"A vivid story of love, romantic rescue, and the painful limits of compassion. Dr. Walker successfully transforms the experience of his tortured marriage into an important book about the impact of borderline personality disorder on human hope and caring." --Richard Schwartz, M.D., author of "Marriage in Motion" and assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School
"Avoiding the temptation to blame the borderline for the doomed relationship, Mr. Walker honestly describes his own mistakes and lets us listen in on the advice he failed to heed. . . . This book will validate readers' experiences with borderlines in their own lives and hopefully prevent them from making the same mistakes." --Randi Kreger, coauthor of "Stop Walking on Eggshells"
Most helpful customer reviews
15 of 19 people found the following review helpful.
I Could not Put this Book Down,Until it was Finished
By Kathleen J.
A must read book is "The Siren's Dance" by Anthony Walker,M.D.
There were a few things I questioned about their relation-
ship at the beginning of their romance.
Dr. Walker sees a beautiful woman in distress, he compares
her likeness to a great cinema's beauty.If she were an unatrac-
tive woman would he have fallen in love on the spot,and
been unable to get her image out of his mind?
Also,although they did not meet in a psychiatric instition,
but a regular hospital,weren't they taught in medical school
not to date patients(who are considered vulnerable people).
That aside, I give Dr. Walker credit for staying as long
in his marriage as he did.Michelle, his wife-child tried to
ruin his relationships with his family, and subtly makes sure
he slowly ruins his health,with a lack of excercise.
He bent over backwards to please her and her parents.She gives
nothing in return.Even her love making seems a gradification
of her needs.To keep his interest she is always reminding
him of all the men who desire her.This she holds over him,
reminding him of escapades she initiated as young as thirteen.
I realize this is one sided, but there is something wrong
when a woman has no life or identidy outside of her husband.
When,Anthony,who is from a family of eight children talks
of having a family some day,Michelle thankfully nixes that
idea.She feels she is sick and needs all the attention and
questions whether she might hurt their baby.
Finally,when she threatens his very own safety of living,he
finally leaves.
There was no epiloque but I hope Michelle seeks the help
she so desperately needs.I hope Dr. Walker won't bear too
many scars and finds love with another women.
5 of 15 people found the following review helpful.
An Answer" To My Marriage To a Borderline "
By Kathleen J.
In an earlier review,I wrote it was wrong for the young
Anthony,a medical student to consider dating Michelle,
another Dr.'s patient.I was fully aware she was not his
patient.However,in Nursing School and other professional
fields a six month period out of the medical or psychiatric
Hospital must elipse,before you date a patient.I blame
Anthonys'superiors for giving the go ahead.I now question
whether this is still taught to students.
Patient's are at their weakest and most vulnerable in the
hospital.I have seen two persons fired on the spot for
disobeying this rule.Case closed.
16 of 18 people found the following review helpful.
First Narrative Book by a NonBP
By Kelly Anderson
I am not a mental health professional. I am a survivor of a 15-year marriage to an undiagnosed high functioning borderline. I have worked closely with hundreds of NonBPs for the last five years through several groups including the bpd411 online community. Most of the borderlines associated with those in our community are undiagnosed high functioning borderlines.
This is an important book. It's the first book I know of that provides a first person narrative of the experiences of a NonBP in a marriage from beginning to end. There are several first person narratives from the other side, the most famous probably being Girl, Interrupted, but also I'm Not Supposed to be Here covers that side of things well. This book provides a good counterpoint to those books, and balance exists somewhere in between.
If you have BPD yourself, or are a clinician who treats those with the disorder, then this book probably isn't for you. Many other reviewers (nearly all being in one of the above two categories) claim that the book is far too negative. My perspective is that the book is quite realistic until the end where despite his personal experiences, he holds out a great deal of hope of treatment to those with the disorder. In other words, I see it as actually providing too much hope, particularly for those in a relationship with high functioning borderlines (The one's who have everyone fooled, who don't get treatment and are the most wonderful people in the world, until you marry them).
The author minimizes and rationalizes his experiences with this damaged human being. I agree with the borderline reviewers that this man is himself deeply flawed. Most NonBPs, including myself, are deeply flawed. Healthy people don't typically stay in relationships with borderlines long enough to get married.
If you are a NonBP, or a therapist working with NonBPs, then this is a must read. It will resonate in many ways with your experiences. Although we each have different experience details, there are certain commonalties that the author has managed to capture accurately.
I disagree with the author's contention that this is not a cautionary tale. It serves that purpose very well.
Michelle, the borderline in the story was a low functioning (cutting, suicidal, hospitalized) person that didn't have anyone fooled into thinking that she was OK. Despite this, I think the book is useful even for those in relationships with high functioning partners. While the doctor's boundaries couldn't be called healthy, particularly at the beginning, he did have enough boundaries and self-preservation to react decisively in the face of physical violence. He demonstrated how getting a little emotional distance in the relationship can decrease the acting out of the partner. These are both very important concepts for all NonBPs whether they want to stay with their partner or leave as the doctor finally did.
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